After a long day at work, he walked in through the kitchen door and with urgency came to me as I stood over the stove. He seemed to ignore my busyness and wrapped his arms around me.
For a split second, I thought something had changed. Hope welled up inside me, but then in a mocking voice came words that told me I was wrong.
“How was your day”, he asked? Before I had a chance to respond he rolled his eyes and walked away. I picked my heart up off the floor and quickly tucked it safely in the back pocket of my jeans like I had done so many times before.
Dinner was served and another night of meaningless conversation was etched on the calendar of our marriage.
The day before, I went out on a limb and told him we don’t talk anymore. No more sweet conversations about our lives and our love. And that he never asked me about my day.
Instead of being brave and trying again I just tended to my broken heart. I stopped the bleeding, put on another band-aid and parked my heart on a shelf of my soul. Deeper this time than the last; hoping it would be safer next time.
That was 20-plus years ago. We were young and God wasn’t a part of our marriage. He didn’t know how to nurture and protect my heart. And I was too insecure and lacked the repeated and consistent bravery it took to keep trying despite the failures.
Don’t get me wrong, there were good times and he did some wonderful things, but life happens in the small moments; in the everyday. We are all bidding for attention and connection in our relationships and especially in our marriage.
These bids for connection often slip by unnoticed. They end up being stored together in a secret place in our hearts; like a bank vault. Then our minds tally them all up. The curious thing though, is the good small moments don’t carry as much weight as the bad small moments.
My marriage ended in divorce a decade and two children after it began. To learn what happened, I spent a lot of time with a trusted counselor and finally responded to God’s love.
Ways to Brave a Disappointing Marriage
You might be thinking, what does a divorced woman know about marriage, but settle in; you’re about to
find out!
To read the rest of the post, go with me over to Crystal Twaddle’s place.
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